DRAFT - Expert Article

On Love, Or lack thereof

A debrief about what your freshman year college breakup means


If you stumbled upon this article, it's probably because you just broke up with your significant other and you have a jumble up of emotions and you don't know what they mean or what to do or what the point of everything is. Maybe you feel some despair? Anger? Confusion? Sadness? Or better yet, your besties are ripping your significant other apart and saying the nastiest things about them, all to make you feel better.


Trust me, I;ve been there. Freshman year breakup I was a complete mess. One second I was dating this guy who I thought was the love of my life, and next thing you know, it's over, he called it off and I’m left there, confused, sad, angry, confused, everything all at once. School went iout the door and nothing seemed to matter. I just wanted to understand why I felt the way I felt. Why things ended the way they did, and more importantly, what to do now. 


This is a letter for you my friend, the one who just went through the break up and is wondering what comes next. 


I trust that you guys have talked through this decision and believe it to be in the best interest for both of you. One has to ask oneself, is this a decision I am making in the fit of the moment or is this truly what I want? In a couple of weeks from now, when you look back on this day/ this ending to a chapter in your life, will you be content with the outcomes? Sadness is inevitable, some level of nostalgia is natural, however, is the overall net a positive or negative outcome? 


Recognize that we are humans, that we are not purely bad or purely good, we are complex human beings with different emotions, ideas, desires, goals. At times, these things do not align with our partner, and that's part of life, that's something that happens to couples.


The College Experience

I recognize that you guys are young, only sophomores! So do not dwell on the sadness of the moment, but see it as a learning opportunity and as a building block for the future, we all learn somehow. I know that some people do not want to date at the beginning of college because they want the “college experience” (in all shapes and sizes that that may look like). I would urge you to respect each other's wishes when it comes to this as when you cage a bird and feed it, it may be happy in the moment, but there is nothing the bird yearns for more than to be free and explore, the bird soon will start to resent its loving keeper. At the same time, there are people out there wanting to settle down, wanting something long term. This is also completely natural. We are all people in different walks of life, trying to figure out what comes next/ what it is we want in life. Regardless of what comes next, whether you take this time to learn more about yourself and self love, or decide to get back together, or decide to meet new people/ take different paths, I urge you to see each other through the lens of respect and dignity. Love and relationships cannot be rushed into or forced, they are built through beautiful friendships and memories, weaved together like a beautiful basket, connecting memories and desires and wishes and goals, coming together to form something beautiful.


A Healthy Relationship

 At the end of the day, a healthy relationship is when two complete people (not someone looking for their “other half” or someone seeking to gain something from the other person) come together to form something beautiful, something that uplifts each other, something that makes each other feel like you guys are a team against a world of obstacles. 


What is Love?

When we are young, we think we know what love is, we think we know what it looks like, what it feels like, but I challenge you to look beyond the conventional disney fairytale stories you have read and seen. Love is challenging, love is something where when you know that things are getting tough, you want to be with your partner to face this challenge. Love is not about uplifting oneself at the expense of another - draining the other person of their happiness and attention span in the process, love is not “comfort” - when you are with someone because you are scared you won't find someone else or because it's convenient for you. Love should feel like two people ready for an adventure of a lifetime, filled with ups and downs, sorrows and triumphs, but at the end of the day, you know you have each other's back and are in this together.


I wish you the absolute best in whatever decision/ path you choose and please know that everything will be okay. Just take a breath and know that everything happens for a reason and that truly, everything is going to be okay.

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