Assignment 3: EXPERT ARTICLE

On Love, or Lack Thereof 

How to heal after your freshman year college breakup 

If you’ve stumbled across this article, you’re probably listening to Olivia Rodrigo's “Deja Vu,” or if it’s really bad, Conan Gray’s “Heather.” Maybe you're feeling a mixture of emotions, hatred, sadness, loneliness, disappointment, or maybe flat out numbness. The Disney, perfect picture world you imagined has been shattered into a million pieces and now you’re wondering, what now? Or maybe your besties are shredding your ex apart, telling you you're better off without him, that you’re so much better than him, but in your mind, all you’re thinking is, “Am I?” “Why would they leave me if I was supposedly better than him?” 

Trust me, I’ve been there. Freshman year my boyfriend broke up with me and I was a complete mess. One second I was dating the “love of my life” and the next thing you know, it was over. I too felt a mixture of emotions, unsure why I was feeling the way I was feeling. I felt like I was going crazy. I didn't know what to do next. 

This article is for you, my friend. Now sit down and keep an open mind as I walk you through this formative, life changing event. 

What is love?

The American Psychological Association defines love as a “complex emotion involving strong feelings of affection and tenderness for the love object, pleasurable sensations in their presence, devotion to their well-being, and sensitivity to their reactions to oneself” (American Psychological Association). Notice that the APA did not say “Disney Movie” or “2000s RomCom Movie genre.” Our media is saturated with what Hollywood believes love looks like, not what it really is in real life. Apparently, to love someone means you must be willing to jeopardize a multi-million dollar development deal to demonstrate you love your partner (2 Weeks Notice). Or you must be willing to give up your inheritance and leave your family business behind to be with the person you love (Crazy Rich Asians). While I recognize that these things might happen, that's not the reality for most of us. However, that's the world we have grown up in. One where love is this extreme thing that we must give it our all or else it's not true love. That’s the type of love most college students have, which leaves them feeling all sorts of emotions after the breakup. 

Are you crazy? 

No! Don't be silly. What your body is currently experiencing is a completely normal reaction to a heartbreak. In fact, the medical community has even termed it, “Broken Heart Syndrome.” That chest pain you're experiencing might be as a result of all of the adrenaline being produced in your body due to the stress. In response to the large amounts of adrenaline, the arteries narrow, thus limiting the amount of blood circulating through your heart (Johns Hopkins Medicine). Luckily for you, it will pass. Once these intense emotions calm down, so will the “Broken Heart Syndrome” side effect. As for the constant change in thoughts and emotions in your head, that's all as a result of the brain’s neurochemistry. Our brain is constantly producing and emitting hormones and other chemicals that affect our mood and feelings. According to Professor Randy Coleman, Professor of Chemistry at William and Mary College, “‘When people fall in love, their brain kicks out quite a few chemicals, leading to many different behaviors. People are, more or less, ‘crazy in love’” (William and Mary News). During a breakup, these chemicals and hormones go into overdrive. Hormones are being released left and right at different levels than they normally would, thus causing you to have different emotions in short periods of time. This would explain the mood swings and behavioral changes that occur. In other words, you are not going crazy. You’re just experiencing the brain’s natural response to a heartbreak. It will all subside as soon as you begin to heal and start looking at reality. 

Was he really the one? 

What tends to happen in your first year relationship is a term called “Love Goggles Syndrome.” You put your partner on a pedestal and think they’re the perfect person in the world. As a result, you drop friends and your academic standards to be with them. Everything in your mind starts to revolve around them and suddenly your entire life gets absorbed into this fictional world where time stops and only you two exist (The Daily Aztec News). More often than not, the other person is not as perfect as you think they are, which is completely normal, we are human after all. After the breakup, the love goggles will come off and you’ll start to see reality for what it is. You realize you didn't like having to compromise some part of your identity or some things you liked, but for the sake of wanting to be in a relationship, you did. Sometimes we think our partner is the one, when in reality we just wanted to “play house” or live on Cloud 9 where everything is perfect. The fact of the matter is, they probably weren't the one and that's okay! According to Professor Robert Kelchen from the University of Tennessee, Knoxville, marriage rates among couples who started dating in college are “ low, with median rates of 12% at public colleges, 14% at religiously-affiliated colleges, and just 5% at private nonsectarian colleges” (Kelchen). The reality is that most students break from the love spell and realize that there are other things that they want to do or prioritize. 

How’s class going? 

The unfortunate reality is that when people start dating their freshman year, sometimes they don't know how to handle school and a relationship. Their academic performance takes hits and their grades begin to drop. Not everyone can handle the work related to dating and find it difficult to balance a healthy relationship with academics. Now that you are single, use this time to really engrain yourself in academics and improve your grades. Now is the time to satisfy your intellectual curiosity and push yourself to learn new things and take classes you wouldn't have considered before. In doing so, you will expand your knowledge and your network. By joining new clubs with the newly available free time, you can position yourself for a better career and future. 

I know it hurts and there is not much that can be said to ease the pain, but once you accept this reality and see it as a positive rather than a negative, you will begin to realize that life continues and that this is not the end of the world. It is a natural part of life that you will look back to down the road and laugh about!

MLA Citations 

“Apa Dictionary of Psychology.” American Psychological Association, American Psychological Association, 15 Nov. 2023, dictionary.apa.org/love. 

Grove, Laura. “Chemistry & Emotion: A Match Made in the Brain.” William and Mary News, 12 Feb. 2024, news.wm.edu/2024/02/12/chemistry-emotion-a-match-made-in-the-brain/. 

Kelchen, Robert. “Examining Variations in Marriage Rates across Colleges.” Robert Kelchen, 19 July 2017, robertkelchen.com/2017/07/19/examining-variations-marriage-rates-across-colleges/. 

Pecjo, Khris. “Overcoming the Love Goggles.” The Daily Aztec, 6 Apr. 2011, thedailyaztec.com/7140/thebackpage/overcoming-the-love-goggles/. 

Wittstein, Ilan S. “Broken Heart Syndrome.” Johns Hopkins Medicine, 16 Oct. 2021, www.hopkinsmedicine.org/health/conditions-and-diseases/broken-heart-syndrome.